When you get over the primarily stage of bewilderment after finding out your spouse is cheating on you, this is the time that you should begin going through the other healing stages.
Did this really happen?, Why me? and What did I do to deserve this? Are just some of the questions which you might be asking yourself after you determined that your spouse has cheated on you. Then comes the time when you mentally hit yourself in the head for ignoring the signs, which should have been your clue that there is something amiss with the relationship in the first place.
After you discover that your spouse has cheated on you, it is the after-effect that is more tricky to deal with.
How People come to grips with Cheating
If you are the injured person who discovered that your spouse has been cheating on you, the first thing that you must realize is that individuals deal with this particular dilemma differently. Your reaction and the questions to come filling your head will depend on how the relationship went in the first place, as well as the situations surrounding the infidelity.
There are individuals who will originally feel anger towards their spouse who cheated on them. For others, devastation and then feeling as if the world came crumbling down on them is the original response. Then, there are individuals who feel remorse or guilt, saying that they should have seen it coming or they are the ones that are at fault that resulted in cheating.
Going through the Healing Stages
When you get over the primarily stage of bewilderment after finding out your spouse is cheating on you, this is the time that you should begin going through the other healing stages. Perhaps the most essential thing that you must look at is your own best interest and that of your children if you have any.
As soon as you are past the original shock, next comes the realization and the wondering what best to do, and that is never an simple answer. The answer to this requires inner stillness and peace of mind which is difficult to see when in the middle of such shock, thus the dilemma and why some people get stuck or feel trapped.
Do you really want to remain in the relationship and work things out with your spouse? Do you think you could ever really find it in your spirit to forgive the offender? If you do decide to forgive, be certainer that you have gotten all the emotions which you have out of the way, and get the pledge from your spouse that things will be different this time around.
Yes, this is easier said than done, but achievable.
The last – and most important stage – is the moving on stage. Whether you choose to start over solo or together, you MUST make sure you are already healed. This way, any issues that plagued your relationship will not be carried over to your new relationship or the revived one.
Be certain that you have forgiven yourself and your spouse, which is the only time that you can truly deal with the after effects of cheating – and ultimately move on.
Yes, you can forgive and split up, or forgive and then remain together.
At times parting ways is the only remedy, but does not necessarily mean that you don’t forgive, it only means that there is recognition that the relationship which once was, has served its purpose in your life and it is time to move on to higher ground.
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