How to defeat self-criticism. When you make a mistake, do you think it’s absolutely awful, that anyone else would have done a better job. That it’s an example of some permanent flaw you have?

If so, then, like many people, you are often your own worst enemy, negating everything you do and blowing things up as if your mistakes are the worst that anyone can imagine.

Identify your negative thoughts.

Your negative thoughts about yourself may be so automatic that you don’t even notice them. But try to catch them, write them down, and then see if there is a pattern.

Define your terms.

How would you define “failure”? Is it someone who fails at something? What would be the opposite? Perhaps you might see that you succeed and fail at different things at different times.

What is the evidence for and against your self-criticism?

Maybe your date didn’t go well, or you said something you wished you hadn’t said. Now let’s look at the evidence why you are not a failure. You have friends, you are doing well at work, you try to be a decent person, and you try to help other people. Weigh the evidence for and against. What is your conclusion?

What is the advantage of criticizing yourself?

Some people think that they need to criticize themselves for self motivation. If self-criticism has worked, then people who get things done would hate themselves. Does your self-criticism really help you to achieve your goals? Or is it defeating you?

Replace self-criticism with self-reward.

Try this for a week: Rather than focus on what you don’t do perfectly, try to give yourself credit for five things every day. This could include simple things like going to work, speaking kindly to someone, eating healthy foods, or making an effort to treat yourself better. If you make some effort at your work or exercise, give yourself credit for it, even just for making the effort. The more you reward yourself, the more likely you are to move forward.

Do you really need to evaluate yourself?

Has it ever occurred to you that you don’t really need to evaluate yourself? What if we removed that self-critical, evaluating part of your brain for a day? Let’s say, rather than evaluate yourself, you decide to focus on your specific goals, like exercise, getting work done, and doing kind things for other people, including yourself. You can reach your goal without criticizing yourself. Try it.

Replace evaluation with observing and accepting.

Rather than measuring, comparing, and evaluating yourself, consider simply observing yourself and then accepting yourself.

Try to accept yourself as you are, as you continue to move toward your goal. Accepting yourself means that you see yourself realistically, in the present moment, without judgment. You can free yourself from the self-critic by accepting who you are.

If you free yourself from the self-critic, you will be able to step away from depression and anxiety and you will be free from the burden that you have imposed on yourself. You don’t have to be your own worst enemy.

Psychology Today

Did the aliens accidentally kill themselves? With at least 100 billion planets in the Milky Way, you’d think at least one would have produced a race of intelligent alien beings. So how come we’ve never seen signs of space aliens even after decades of SETI (search for extraterrestrial intelligence) research?

Scientists have long puzzled over that simple question. Now, one of England’s best-known physicists, Professor Brian Cox of Manchester University, has weighed in with an answer. And it’s rather bleak. As reported by The Times, Cox maintains that alien civilizations might snuff themselves out not long after they come to be ― done in by nuclear war, runaway climate change or other threats that rise as their technological sophistication advances. “It may be that the growth of science and engineering inevitably outstrips the development of political expertise, leading to disaster,” he said.

In other words, we haven’t seen signs of extraterrestrial life because alien civilizations that did exist are now gone ― and, presumably, alien civilizations that might exist now are too primitive technologically to have made their presence known to us. Bummer. Life as we know it first became possible some 30 million years after the Big Bang, which occurred about 14 billion years ago, according to the release. Before then, the raw materials for life, including carbon and oxygen, simply didn’t exist.

And life should be possible in the universe for another 10 trillion years, when astronomers predict the last stars will grow cold. That leaves a lot of time for alien life to evolve. Maybe that’s cold comfort, especially given another of Cox’s contentions: that our own nuke-owning, climate-changing civilization may be headed for extinction. ”We could be approaching that position,” he said, according to the Times. Fingers crossed!

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5 Things dermatologists will never put on their faces. In the pursuit of clear, smooth skin, sometimes what you don’t put on your face is just as crucial as what you do. “People bring in bags and bags of products they’ve tried,” says Durham, NC-based dermatologist Brooke Jackson, MD. “But less is often more with skincare.”

Slathering on every new wonder cream can irritate your face, creating a negative situation, adds Montclair, NJ dermatologist Jeanine Downie, MD. A check-in with a derm should help you come up with the best overall plan for your skin. And there are some questionable products and tools that dermatologists make a point to avoid. Here are the products they say are simply a waste of money—or worse, could actually could damage your skin.

At-home chemical peels

“I NEVER put strong chemical peels on my face at home. Sometimes people buy medical-grade peels online that are too strong for home use. I’ve seen bad results, such as redness and too much peeling than can lead to long-term scarring and discoloration. They also sometimes cause allergic reactions.” —Angela Lamb, MD, Dermatologist, The Mount Sinai Hospital

Loofahs

“I stay away from using a loofah or a buf puf on my face. They are too abrasive and can actually irritate your skin. I have underlying acne and eczema and these sponges–which also tend to attract bacteria—can make both conditions worse.” —Jeanine Downie, MD, Director of Image Dermatology in Montclair, NJ

Moisturizers with collagen

“Frankly, I believe that the collagen molecule is too large to work as a topical. The active ingredient does not penetrate the skin, so you’re just getting an overly expensive moisturizer.” —S. Manjula Jegasothy, MD, CEO and Founder of Miami Skin Institute

Abrasive face scrubs

“There is no reason to use abrasive face scrubs, which can be irritating and induce hyperpigmentation. Most people who try them are acne patients and you can’t scrub acne away. Your face is being irritated unnecessarily. Instead, I cleanse with a creamy wash using my hands then I use a washcloth to wipe the cleanser off (don’t scrub).” —Brooke Jackson, MD, Founder and Medical Director of Skin Wellness Dermatology Associates in Durham, NC

At-home microneedling devices 

“I feel there’s so much risk of infection from these devices because they create all those tiny holes in the skin. Your skin barrier function is compromised. We do microneedling with radio frequency in the office, but it is in a controlled, cleaner environment so it is safer.” —Ava Shamban, MD, a dermatologist in Beverly Hills and author of Heal Your Skin

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